Who really is the selfish one here? Us girls for asking these guys to be ready, or guys for simply not being ready?

If you stop and think about it, who says he has to love you the same way you love him, at the same exact time you love him, just because that’s what you want? I mean sure that’s ideal, but is it really his fault he’s not ready?

You tell him, “if you love me you should be ready” but if you loved him, wouldn’t you accept that he’s not ready? I mean I get it, we get sick of waiting, especially it he’s done you wrong, but you forcing him to be ready is an uphill battle you can’t win. It leaves you out of breath and him with a headache running for the hills.

You gotta remember, life is all about timing, and when it’s the right time, the balance you need will come on it’s own, without you asking for it. The right match walks together, hand and hand at the same pace, because they both want to.

So until he’s ready, get a life that doesn’t revolve around him and stop being mad at him just because you two are on different life pages. Life really can be a blast if you surrender to the things you can not control, there are tons of other amazing things you can spend your time on. So, before you complain for the 5,345th time, remember: You have a choice, you either accept his wishy washy, snail like pace with a smile, meaning NO nagging at ALL, or you pursue someone at yours.

So in conclusion… who really is the selfish one here? My answer: Both.

Her for asking someone she “loves” to change his pace, and him for leading her to believe he’s in love and almost ready knowing he’s probably not.

Thoughts?

I know guys rely heavily on the “spaghetti theory” when it comes to crap like this, (Email 25 girls, and a few have gotta bite!) However, I am overrrr generic party emails from bros who just want a million babes at their super fun parties.

I mean c’mon… do a little research, my profile says I’m born in 1983. I’m 27 and you’re wasting your precious copy and paste time by sending me these messages. Not to mention guys like you don’t even want 27 year olds on your party bus, duh. We’ve long outgrown loving boys for comped bottles and party buses and end up being wayyyy more work than it’s even worth Forget your jungle juice, I want PJ Rose, a yummy meal, my shoes to not be spilled on, a clean seat and only my friends on board. No I don’t want to stop at Typhoon Saloon, and um, can you change the music?

So fellas, lets be a little smarter, if you’re gonna harass chicks on Facebook, please harass ones whose ages correspond with your event. I’d aim for hmmm…under 21? They will at least think you’re cool still. Besides, who wants to hangout with a random off Facebook who obviously lacks his own girlfriends anyway? Not me. After the Craigslist Killer, I am allllll set on Internet peeps, and your little bus is no exception!

But hey, if you have a party bus going to Nelly’s house? That’s a whole different story… pick me up at 8!

]]> http://www.helloamanda.com/2011/03/someone-tell-keha-to-burn-that-bikini/feed/ 0 http://www.helloamanda.com/2011/01/love-vs-lust/ http://www.helloamanda.com/2011/01/love-vs-lust/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 04:19:02 +0000 amandajo http://www.helloamanda.com/?p=7495 I found this article on askmen.com I thought it was cute and had a lot of insightful info for people questioning if they’re in love or lust. Want help deciding in love or lust? Here are the askmen.com deciding factors…

“Are you in love, or is it lust? Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones — it’s nature’s way of bringing the opposite sexes together to mate. In fact, without lust, it’s doubtful that love between a man and a woman would have a chance to prosper at all.

The driving force of the sexual imperative bridges the gap between the almost incompatible brain styles of the two sexes. So lust can be seen as one end of a broad continuum, which may or may not culminate in romantic love.

And love is the most ennobling of human emotions — transcendental, exalted and capable of engendering emotional states that can make the male of the species want “to be a better man.”

Men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love. ♥

In Love With Lust

For men, lust is a heady experience; the brain goes on hold and red-hot surges of testosterone run the show. Lust, like love, is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you’re in lust or love — whether she may be “The One,” or merely a passing fancy who’ll have your blood boiling for only a short while.

This is because men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex before they forge emotional bonds with a woman — and those raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love.

The real danger is that both lust and love can rob a man of his natural strength and defenses — and then it’s all too easy to hand his male power over to a woman for sex-ploitation .

Lust is especially dangerous because it causes a man to think with his crotch and throw all reason and logic to the wind. When a man’s in lust he doesn’t care if he and his partner have anything in common. He’s not interested in where she comes from or where she’s going. His brain is only focused on using his key to unlock the door to the secret cave. If his partner’s only in lust, she’ll use this against him, but if they’re both falling in love, this sexuality is a bond.

Learn how to tell instantly whether you’re in love or lust…

So how can you tell whether it’s love or lust? Here are a few tips to help you sort things out.

It’s Lust If:

You’re totally focused on her looks and body
Even before you know her name, you’re already fantasizing about what she looks like naked and what it would be like to have sex with her.

You don’t care about anything she has to say
It wouldn’t make a difference to you if you never had aconversation with her. Furthermore, you don’t bother to return her calls promptly and you can easily go for days without talking to her — until you get horny again.

You only want to be with her to have sex

You make excuses not to spend time with her, except for sex. And if she asks you for a favor, you tell her you’re too busy. But if you have to be with her and not have sex, she gets on your nerves and you find yourself fantasizing about other women.

She’s your booty call
After you go out trolling for tail with your buddies on Friday night, you then call her at 1 a.m. for some drunken action. Ah, the booty call.

You leave after sex
After having sex with her, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just “I gotta go.”

It’s Love If:

You have great chemistry
You get lost in your conversations, and the hours pass like minutes. You’re more than willing to listen to her when she talks about her day. The chemistry between you is remarkable.

You find her beautiful
Even if you catch her with no makeup on and her hair pulled back while she’s unclogging a toilet, she still looks beautiful to you.

You want to spend time with her
All you want to do is to be with her, whether you’re having sex or not. Even if she tells you that sex will have to wait, you don’t care.

You see a future together
You experience the strange feeling that your life would be totally empty without her. You tell your friends and family that she may be The One, and you’re even thinking about marrying her.

You introduce her to your family
It becomes very important to you that your parents like her, and that she gets along with everyone close to you.

You include her in all your plans
Whether you’re going out with your male friends or taking your dog for a walk, you want her there with you. And if she’s not there, you can’t get her off your mind and sneak off to give her a quick “I miss you” phone call. Of course, you don’t tell your buddies.

You are more romantic
All of a sudden you find yourself listening to cheesy romantic songs and thinking of her. You send her flowers and love notes to work and set up romantic evenings candlelit dinners at home.

You always take her side
If someone says anything even slightly disparaging about her, you immediately rise to her defense. Furthermore, in social gatherings, you always agree with her even if you disagree behind closed doors.

She makes you want to be a better man
She challenges and motivates you. She makes you happy, and you’d do anything to make her happy.

Gotta Love Lust

Lust is short-term fun; love is the long haul. Even though the two sometimes masquerade as each other, you should be able to tell the difference. The real trick is in deciding what you want… and that’s up to you.”

Matthew Fitzgerald is the author of Sex-Ploytation. He has appeared on radio shows across the United States and Canada, and has been featured on the Montel show and The Other Half.

It made me think… there are sooo many people who haveeeeeee to be in a relationship to survive, why can’t people seem to exist alone? It seems that after every break up there is always one of the two, who is off and dating someone else in what seems to be over night. It’s so weird to me, not to mention disgusting… sharing your bed with someone else so quick? I understand if you want to date around, but after being in love with someone how can people move on so fast? I guess it goes back to that whole “disposable” concept. People now a days are so fearful of being alone that they treat each other as if they’re disposable. Like Jay Z says, on to tha next…

I suppose it’s just a way insecure, weak people cope with their loss, or maybe they never really cared about the relationship they were in to begin with? I know when I love someone, my heart needs time to slow down, catch it’s breath, and sew up any cracks before I am really ready to move on. I guess I am just loyal to love, even lost love. I’m also fine being alone, and realize you can’t fill one void with another void, eventually all the voids will catch up to you, just like a trash pile up. It’s not fun taking out the trash/being alone when you’re sad, but it’s one of those things that for me, isn’t optional.

It feels good knowing I’m strong enough to exist alone. I suppose dating someone new is a nice distraction after a break up, but it sure seems like a quick, temporary fix. As soon as things slow down and the distraction subsides, reality will be back tapping on your shoulder to remind you of the things you ran from. The only sure fire way through the storm is directly through it.

I had one boyfriend in college, and after we broke up he tried to date around and realized he wasn’t ready. He eventually got himself a girlfriend, the only problem was this girl had just gotten out of a serious relationship too. I swear in just one month this girl was telling him she loved him, was talking about marriage and found a reason to move into his house. Just forgot about the guy you wanted to marry a month ago already?

Him & I of course remained close friends so I explained to him that it wasn’t him she loved, she just loved the idea of love and his attention after her recent break up. She’d love any guy. He agreed. Funny thing is they’re still together, unhappily of course, and he still texts me asking me sappy questions about our past. I don’t get that either, why stay if your heart isn’t in it? He says he loves her, but it’s a very different kind of love we knew. You can’t lie to your heart no matter how hard you try.

I think life is better with company for sure, I just don’t agree with any company being better than no company. So, to all my independent people out there, who can exist alone when needed, more power to ya. And for all the people out there who need someone by your side to feel safe, just remember you can’t always rely on other people to fill the voids inside of you, at the end of the day all we have for sure is ourselves, it’s ok to be single and happy. If you find yourself trying to fill a void inside of you with someone else, maybe stop and think about what life really wants you to find? Maybe focus more on yourself, your health, your fitness, your career, your friends, your family, your hobbies etc… just my two cents

“It would do the world good if every man would compel himself occasionally to be absolutely alone. Most of the world’s progress has come out of such loneliness.”

However with this second text, there are rules. Serious rules. And I said TWO texts total, not NINE.

FIRST and foremost your second text may NEVER say “Oh okkkk or not” “Okkkk fine don’t reply” “I guess you don’t like me ” Hello? Um I’m pretty sure they know they didn’t reply to you, no need to re bring it up like you noticed. Way to act totally desperate.

SECOND your follow up text should be DAYS later, not an hour later like you have nothing better to do than to worry about whether or not he replied.

THIRD The second text should have NOTHING to do with your first text. If your first text said “hey whats upppp.” Then the most your second text can say is “Hey, were going out later if you want to come let me know.” The second text should just be a poke reminder like Hi, I’m here. If he bites great if not, delete. He’s not interested .

FOURTH (Most important) After you contact someone twice, whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, Text, Email, Calling whatever… if they do not reply after two tries, that’s IT. Never contact them again. I don’t care who it is unless they owe you money

FIFTH When you are ignored, you are not allowed to reply ANGRY texts! Forget you, forget it. Oh ok I see how it is. Whatever you’re not hot anyway… all I am reading is “I was rejected and I am mad!” Save face and just be quiet.

Example of just one of the psycho texters: Hsdkflfdjkahaha are you kidding?

PS LOL doesn’t trick me into thinking you’re laughing and don’t care.

Exception to the Triple Texting law: The ONLY exception to this rule is if it’s a friend or someone you don’t care what they think. This post is in regards to dating and new phone numbers in your phone, not really anything else. Courting someone does not mean chasing until you’re out of breath.

Disclaimer: Disregard these rules if you are an asshole ex boyfriend who messed up, call a million times until she forgives you. Actually you should be at her door crying with flowers not calling anyway.

This entire story left me sick and if I could prevent it from happening to someone else, then it’s worth telling. One of my very best friends was dating a guy for almost a year. Things started off amazingggg. No red flags, super fun dates, just two people getting to know one another having a blast. Best friends. He would tell her she was the one, talk about marriage, kids, and a life together forever. They had a few small problems but overall were madly in love.

Slowly things started to change. Her boyfriend became more and more distant as time went on but always reassured her things were fine he just needed alone time. It left my friend wondering what was really going on. Was he cheating, was he doing weird things, or did he simply want alone time and nothing was wrong? She trusted nothing was seriously going on and put it aside, however her gut told her something major was going on. I always told her there is noooo way he’s cheating on you, if anything he’s probably just scared to commit. Boy was I wrong.

Her bf always seemed to have to be in a different city for “work” yet no money ever came in. LA, Vegas, etc … the insecurities continued to grow inside her. We would talk about it, even with him and he always had an excuse that made what he was doing seem legit. We all believed him, even I did and I have a pretty good sense of assholes. I thought he was a good guy just maybe a bit scared of commitment. So what, aren’t they all? She always told me, Amanda, my gut just knows somethings wrong like really really wrong. He always promised her he’d never cheat, has never cheated and would break up with her if he ever wanted to. For some reason she never bought it, she just didn’t……..

Not only has he cheated, he was cheating with whores. Escorts. How disgusting can one person be. Slowly she started piecing everything together. All the things that were tiny red flags in the relationship now made sense. She begged him for months to be honest with her, open and upfront. They talked about cheating so many times I can’t believe he would just look at her, and me, and lie. Talk about a sociopath. He genuinely had no remorse for what he was doing.

The best part is? He’s stillllllllllll lying. Ready for a laugh? He told her he calls escort companies for WEED, nothing more nothing less. Never cheated. YEAH um ok….right. And smoking weed with the grossest women on earth isn’t cheating? Cmon. She ended up messaging several of the girls she suspected he was interested in, and all confirmed they had been involved in some way and had no idea he had a girlfriend. So not only was he paying for sex, he was also having sex with other women. One of the women was over 40 years old and even had kids. It seriously terrifies me that people are capable of doing this to people that love them. If you know you have a sex addiction stay OUT of relationships.

There are some things couples can work through but for me, and my friend, cheating is when it stops. She always told me she thought he was capable of being a Tiger Woods and having sex with tons of women. He’d deny it over and over and promise her that wasn’t the case at all. Her boyfriend had money and with money comes people who expect everything handed to them. He had been given everything his entire life with no effort, why stop now. Same as with celebrities, they have it all, so they expect it all. A loving, beautiful girlfriend, and then random raunchy whores on the side.

I think the moral of this awful story is:

* ALWAYS trust your gut. It is your inner compass and is always always right. If you think something is off, weird or wrong. It is. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Find out NOW.

* Watch for warning signs. This guy had multiple phones. A whore phone and a “normal” phone. He left his whore phone behind and the entire thing was full of outgoing calls to prostitutes. Text messages to girls asking for him to deposit money into their accounts for “services”. Notice where he keeps his phones. This guy would always keep his phones on silent and stored in his briefcases. That alone is a red flag. He’s obviously was hiding something.

* Pay attention to their habits. Do they go missing for hours? Travel alone a lot? It doesn’t take long to cheat with a whore. Wam bam, they can be in and out in one hour. Most girls think just because they talk to their boyfriends throughout the day that they’re innocent. Cheating with a whore literally takes 30 min and could be done in a parking lot. You’d never know.

* Listen to the way they reply to questions you ask. She used to tell him “I can’t be with someone who thinks they will hurt me” His reply… “I don’t want to hurt you” “I don’t think I can hurt you” … Um well, there is a BIG difference between wanting to hurt someone and knowing you’d never hurt someone. I KNOW I can’t hurt someone I love. It’s not possible. Him not being able to say that alone was a sign to leave. Men lie even if it sounds like they’re not. You can say did you hook up with that girl and if he only kissed her, he technically will say no because hooking up isn’t technically kissing. She used to ask him “Have you cheated on me?” He would say no. In her eyes that meant no he’s never been with anyone else. In his mind? He technically didn’t cheat because they broke up for a few days. Um No.

* Do whatever it takes to find the truth. For so long she would ask him the questions she needed answers to and she always knew he was giving her the run around. After you’ve tried over and over to extract the truth, eventually you do have to take things into your own hands to protect yourself. You do create the risk that you’ll find nothing and be the one to blame for the relationship ending due to lack of trust, but you’re more likely to find what you thought you’d find. It took my friend months to check his phone. She never wanted to, we had to tell her to do it. She said she knew what she would find and didn’t want to see it. I understand privacy but you can’t live in the dark and be that girl who never knows the truth. **** If he’s not giving you answers, and your gut tells you something is wrong, I think its 100% ok to find them out on your own, simply so you can end things and move on with closure.****

* Watch cheating movies with them. She would always tell us how he would literally squirm around watching them. It was like he knew he was guilty. He’d overly kiss her and hug her during the movie, he knew that was exactly what he was doing and she sensed it. The crazy thing is, he’d talk shit about the cheaters every time. How sorry he felt for them and how wrong it was.

* Pay attention to his Facebook. Does he leave it open freely? Or does he instantly sign out of all accounts? Does he add your pictures? If your man is keeping his FB girlfriend free, hello… it’s for a reason. Can’t let all his whores know he has a gf.

Her and I are super close so this relationship at times felt as if I was in it too. My heart breaks for her seeing how broken she is because this asshole didn’t have the courage to break up with her and deal with his sicknesses alone. Reason 4,231,212 on why I will never date a guy I can’t swap phones with at any hour, a guy who goes missing for hours, a guy who never answers when I call, a guy who doesn’t add my pictures, a guy who keeps you away from his girl “friends”, a guy who travels alone, a guy you constantly have to chase, and most importantly a guy who makes your stomach hurt at night when you go to bed.

Thank GOD she found out now before she wasted anymore time on him. I told her finding that phone was the worst but BEST day of her entire life. Imagine if they were married with kids! You never really know who people are anymore that’s why you have to go with what your gut tells you at all times. It is always right. Trust me and trust yourself.

And people, if you know you’re cheating and hurting someone, grow up and stop. I much rather be dumped on the spot and left crying than to be left crying after being so betrayed and cheated. Man up and break up with her for any reason. Say you need to focus on yourself and go on fkn whores. At least be selfish and realize cheating someone else only cheats yourself. Karma is real and you will get it back times 923,231,235,767.

“If it hurts, it isn’t love.” You lose.

So many guys use Facebook and other social sites to date off of, and fine do what you want, but sending gross/weird messages is absolutely pointless. I show my friends, we laugh and then I block you. Do you do it for shock value? Spaghetti theory? Some skank will bite? I don’t get the point.

With that being said, I figured I’d send you creeps some helpful info on how what NOT to do online.

1. Do not send me generic, bragging messages. So you’re rich, wanna spoil me, take me shopping, fly me all over etc. bla bla gag. You don’t think that’s weird? You just wanna fly a stranger all over the world? Just walk around the mall taking sugar baby shopping? Desperattttttte. And ya, I bet I’m the first girl you ever sent that message to right? Creepy, wait no terrifying and most def. not genuine. Plus no one likes a bragger. So you’re rich? Ya, rich and scary.

2. Fix your weirdo pics. Pictures from 1980 when you were hot, dirty bathroom pics, blurry pics, pictures cropped weird, those tiny pics people post bc they don’t know how to properly upload (Either you’re not smart or just way too old), pictures with piles of junk in the background, overly photoshopped pics, pics with a different random girl in every pic, we know your type “Hey can I get a pic for my friend back home, he’d never believe I’m here!!” yeah yeah. It’s 2010 and you’re lurking around the net, you need a camera and some normal friends to take pictures with. Successful lurkers have cameras, clean houses and friends they can take pics with, oh and know how to crop.

3. In a Relationship Status? Why are you messaging me? I always love going through my roommates friend requests, because they always have one friend in common with these weird guys, and it’s always me. Hehehehe woops. Anyway, the other day we clicked on one guy and I couldn’t even believe it, it said Married to Patty Smith or whatever. I got so mad! Poor Patty has no idea her sick husband is adding young floozies like me and my roommates on Facebook. That’s cheating. If you’re in a relationship or even worse, married, why are you adding younger, cute girls online? That’s called opening doors and you’re the last fool anyone wants to talk to. Appreciate Patty before I email her telling her what a creep you are. If Patty left you you’d fall apart and die so why don’t you get off Facebook and go give her a kiss. So over men not appreciating their women and using social sites to fantasize about other girls. My roommates and I will never like you. Get off the computer.

4. Dating out of your league. This is probably the biggest problem I see online. I get soooo many messages from guys that could be my Dad! Huhhhhhh. You’re 50. Im 26. You’ve been married. You have grey hair. You have 3 kids, with 3 ex wives. WHY would I want to talk to you? I mean c’mon, seriously. I think some guys forget how old they are and think they’re still 25, hot, and single with no baggage. Realize no girl my age will want to talk to you. I don’t at least. I don’t care if you’re a billionaire, all that baggage + ex wives + kids + way too old = game over.

So with all that being sad, take a few nice pictures with your most normal friends, stop sending every hot girl a duplicate message online, stop bragging, stop dating out of your league, and never ever send creepy, perverted messages. Your only hope at ever talking to a girl online is being respectful, genuine and polite. You also must remember 95% of girls online aren’t looking for dates like you are, and even less 99.9999% are just looking to F. Facebook is not a dating/hook up site for normal people, so don’t be mad if you don’t get a reply.

1. All of His Exes Are “Crazy”

Be wary of a man who refers to his former girlfriends as crazy, psycho, or clingy — because what’s the common denominator here? Duh, him. The dude’s either nuts, or he never really wanted the relationship to work in the first place. Don’t forget, behind every crazy chick is probably (not always) a guy who made her that way.

2. He Plans Ultra-Romantic Dates
A cozy candlelit dinner is nice and all, but if he only takes you to secluded places, it could be a tip-off that he doesn’t want other women to spot him on a date. Next time he asks you out, suggest hitting up a busy restaurant or popular bar and see how he reacts.

3. He’s Hot and Cold on the Phone
He’ll text you 10 times in a night, then go MIA for days. He’ll chat on the phone for an hour, then ignore your messages for the rest of the week. Wondering what the hell is going on? We’re going to be brutally honest: He’s mostly likely busy dating other women.

4. He Guilt-Trips You
It’s normal for a guy to be eager to sleep with you from day one. But this behavior is a red flag if he a. lays the pressure on thick, or b. tries to make you feel bad if you choose not to have sex — like by giving you a sob story about blue balls. Point is he obviously doesn’t care about respecting you, all he wants is a quick solution to his down below problem.

5. Stuff Is Missing from His Facebook Profile
Did he untag photos of you and him? Refuses to add your pictures? Does he update or check it often, yet never mentions hanging out with you? Is his relationship status hidden? We smell a rat. A big fat rat. A guy who’s leery of commitment will make sure there are no traces of you on his page.

6. His Buddies Act Distant
Even though a player’s bros may be friendly enough, they probably won’t ask you many personal questions about your job, interests, etc. The ugly truth: They don’t want to invest time and energy getting to know you because they figure you’re not going to be around very long.

7. He Says You’re Soul Mates
Okay, we adore the idea of love at first sight — but too much too soon could also indicate sketchy intentions. If a dude comes on super strong right off the bat (we’re talking the first couple of weeks), telling you things like that he’s starting to fall in love with you, just make sure you play it safe and trust your gut. Those powerful words might be rolling off his tongue so smoothly because he’s spoken them so many times before.

Beware ladies Key is to always trust your gut! It’s rarely wrong.