No, I Do Not Want to Get Coffee Sometime

Ahh, the good old fashioned “we should grab coffee” invitation. I swear, I get asked out on coffee dates several times a week and honestly, I’m not sure why? I would rather poke my own eyes out than sit in a cramped Starbucks, in the middle of the day, with some guy I barely know and probably don’t even want to know.

Guys, as women, we know what this approach means by now. It means “Hey! I think you’re cute and I kinda, maybe, might like you, so I am willing to pay $3.95 to find out.” I can’t help but wonder, are other girls seriously down for this approach? I guess there are a lot of easy-going girls out there, but for me, I’m going to have to decline for the following reasons.

1. It takes me two hours to look presentable, a thirty minute coffee date is simply not a smart investment. Besides, it costs more than a coffee for me to even get there?

2. It shows me what kind of guy you are, low commitment, cheap and way too casual. If you can’t even make the effort to ask me to lunch? I mean what’s the difference, twenty bucks and an extra forty-five minutes? We can be casual on date five, not date one. Guys that mass date prefer this approach because it’s more cost efficient and requires zero commitment, but guys with commitment issues, that serial date are my worst nightmare.


3. Starbucks was not made for dates, it was made for grabbing coffee at 6am, for bathroom breaks on road trips, for studying and for job interviews. I have no desire to sit on top of some seventeen year old studying for her college exam, as eight hundred other people stare at our awkward first cheap, embarrassing date.

4. I know that this means “I think you look good online, but I want to double check you out in person before I spend any money on you.” The girl you want is confident, attractive and has tons of self respect therefore, she will never agree to a cheap coffee date. She knows she can hold out for a real date and she will. The girls who do? Probably look nothing like their pics, so you should cancel anyway.

On a serious note, all sarcasm aside, I despise coffee dates because they are the epitome of what dating has become in 2013. Let’s rewind, back to the days where guys didn’t go on dates with every girl that liked their photos on Facebook, days where guys had an interest in one special girl that they actually wanted to impress.

I am not asking to be impressed, a guy should naturally want that with his potential new mate? What happened to dates being planned and special? If you are not excited about the girl and not willing to make a genuine effort, how can you really expect to find someone worth having? You get out what you put in fellas, so next time you meet a cool girl, please do not blow it with the “We should grab coffee” approach.

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There are 3 comments for this article
  1. hotscot at 12:15 pm

    YEAH BABY YEAH…………………………..

  2. Anna at 9:51 am

    Hi Amanda,
    I have recently discovered your blog and have really enjoyed reading some of your articles. I loved this one, it was like hitting the nail on the head! I can absolutely agree with everything you have said and its exactly why I despise these types of dates myself. I actually recently went back to online dating and it seems thats all majority of our generation is looking for now either ‘coffee dates’ or ‘let me buy you a few drinks’, I actually personally do not like getting drinks with someone I do not know, and seems like it might as well be a damn coffee date if that is all they can come up with! I have read this article and comments on Elite Daily as well and I think a lot of people are especially missing the point…So here I am nearly 31, still holding out for a different date….

  3. at 11:47 am

    Amanda, I soooo agree with you but also mainly because coffee dates are soooo damn BORING.

    I’m there with a total stranger and the ambiance of the place is so not helping set the mood.

    I wonder how many possible potential relationships have been sent to doom by a first coffee date gone boring. That should be only for people in relationships already.

    I’ve only had a couple of coffee first dates and they were bad. Yeah, I think the guys were cheap too.

    All of my good dates came from the guy insisting on making it a dinner date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive place by all means! I never choose the expensive items on the menu because it’s just not right. If I’m really not interested in the guy I just accept something cheap like an appetizer and a drink.

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